Tired

Please welcome me back.

I've been busy for a while. Actually, i am feeling very busy for quite some time, probably since time immemorial.

Before writing this post, i was thinking of something profound to share with you. But as you might see, I failed. I am too lazy to think of something worthy of sharing with you my dear intellectuals.

American Idol is distracting me. Haha.

SO, yesterday, i was with my Yabang Pinoy friends. For the benefit of everyone, Yabang Pinoy (Filipino arrogance, or more like, pride) is an advocacy campaign aiming to boost each Filipinos pride especially now that some think that they have lost their national identity. Someone from this organization had to shoot for her thesis last night about Filipino identity. She's a Filipina, who spent her formative years in Malaysia, and is now experiencing identity crisis. To her, she is a Filipina. But she can't feel nor think nor consider herself Filipina.

We (Tim, Weng, Emm, and I) were there to share our thoughts about national identity. It was more on sharing our personal experiences and thoughts on being Filipino - from the most obvious and unique traits to the things we Filipinos are proud of. The experience turned out really fun although it ended at around 12am already. It opened a whole new perspective for me. It made me feel more proud to be a Filipino.

For me, our problem lies only on our notion of regionalism. Due to our distinct archipelago, most Filipinos are divided into different subcultures united by the province where each lives. Like me, for instance, I tend to be more inclined to being a Caviteno, with minimal inclination on being a Filipino. The same applies to our fellow countrymen (i.e. Bicolano, Bisaya, Ilocano). To me, that is our problem. Most of us do not feel that unifying identity that each of us have - we are Filipino.

Filipino for me is something no one chose nor something any of us can avoid. This is us. We are Filipino. No matter where we go, no matter what we do, whether we like it or not, as long as we are here in the Philippines, we are Filipinos.

Now going back to my not-so-serious post, I feel that i am not in my most favorable mood right now. I don't like my performance, i feel that i am lacking on a number of things, and i am just not-so-liking whatever i am doing right now.

I have been trying to do my best in terms of academic requirements for the last 7 semesters. I've been trying to graduate with honors. But what am i doing now?

I always feel sleepy. I am always lazy. And i am always not in the mood to work. Sleeping and slouching have been my favorite hobbies. Yet, come midnight, i can't sleep. WHAT?

I dont know what's my problem. I want to graduate with honors but i dont feel the motivation to do so. Help.

Tomorrow, I'll be jogging in UP. Haha.

Welcoming Acads Back

It's the 9th day of the first month of the year, already 5 days since the long vacey, and still, i don't want to work.

Nakakatamad pa bumalik sa school. Or better yet, tamad pa rin pala ako. Wala akong gustong gawin kundi matulog lang. Ang sarap tumunganga lang at mag-isip sa kawalan. I miss reminiscing my past - my promdi past. I miss innocence, kabaduyan, kaguluhan with my fellow promdi, and the serenity of the province.

Ewan ko pero this is the first time that i felt so attached to my homeland. It feels like every day here in the city is new, as if i haven't been here for a long time. Naninibago ako - that's it. Tagal ko inisip yung term.

Ang dami kong workload but i feel so lazy to do any of these. Siguro dahil matagal pa naman deadline. Yung system ko kasi, epal, kapag matagal pa ang deadline unproductive. Kapag in a few hours na lang deadline na, saka nagmamagaling.

By this time, i should be doing my paper in 177, assignment in 106, reading Junta al Pasig of Rizal pero ano? Tinatamad ako!

Grabe.

Pano kaya ako yayaman nito? Eh ang tamad tamad ko. Tapos feeling ko hindi na ako masyado competitive.

Teka.

(after 2 minutes)

Inisip ko talaga kung paano ako yayaman. Haha. And i realized na kaya pala ako tinatamad dahil inaantok ako. Masyadong mabigat ulo ko at the moment. Actually ngayong week na ito. Actually ever since. Haha. Pero minsan kasi sobrang inspired ko eh. May mga araw na sobrang sipag ko, organized (by the way, meron na akong planner at file accordion, haha), at sobrang inspired. Pero kahit na ganun, mas marami pa rin yung tamad ako. OK. Humanda kayo sa akin, I WILL BE RICH! I will. You will all look up to me. Soon. Sasali ako sa game knb?.

Potalech. Harsh word na naman. Baka maiskandalo na naman si Mam Gamo sa words ko o kaya isumbong na ako ni Caloy sa Mom nya for being obscene.

WALANG KWENTA tong post ko. Wala talaga ako sa mood. Sana bumalik na mood ko. Hindi na ako productive eh. Patapon na naman ako. Shet.

First Post

I wanted to post a great starter but... someone ruined my thoughts. Happy New Year!

FEVER

questions that i don't wanna hear the answers

Do people really have the right to be ill-minded if they're sick?

Do we have to tolerate them because they're not feeling well?

Will sickness be an enough justification to whatever patience-eating* attitude?

Will you care if i act like a brat whenever i'm sick?

42 days na lang Christmas na!

19 days na lang, veinte anyos na ako!

i'm supposed to post my top twenty, twenty days before my birthday.

I Hate Endings

Reasons why i hate endings:

• That's it. Nothing follows.
• I'm always left behind. I always find it difficult to move on.
• Endings are always sad. I really don't believe in happy endings.

Previous endings i hated (the ones I remember, at the least):

• The end of my OJT in SEAIR. (At least here, I've already moved on.)
• High School Grad
• a looooooot more. TMTM

Endings i hate and i fear:

• this sem
• this school year
• YOU

_________________________

I always picture our relationship as the "happy" one. A healthy one, where quarrels and arguments are the usual things. I was too confident that we, at least you, are mature enough not to end the relationship just because we fought and didn't agree on some things.

These recent events, however, are different. You've changed. I'm not sure if it's only you, but i'm certain that you changed. Gone are the days when you're the one who comforts me.

I miss those days when i always feel that you are the shelter that i have always looked for.

I admit, i might be too self-centered. Thoughts only centered around my feelings - my aches, my sufferings, myself. You might not have changed. Maybe it's just me. This too-selfish me.

I sincerely regret the things i said. I'm not sure, though, if you think that i voiced it out only because i'm mad and that i didn't really mean it, but, it's too late. It's all been said and done.

_________________________

I always had a problem on expressing my thoughts. Oftentimes, they just come out of my mouth, without even consulting what's in my head nor my heart. But it's out of the question now. IT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH. I hope, you, did not take it seriously.

_________________________

This one's the ending I (insert-superlative-adjective-for-regret) feared to happen.

i don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. i just wish that no matter what happens, neither of us go home broken. it's been 8 months. i wish we could still count, together, until 8 years.

i cant continue with my countdown to christmas and my birthday. not now...

Ako... Ang Nag-iisang... Dimonyo

Talo ko si Anne Curtis sa pagiging nag-iisang dyosahhh...

Ako ang nag-iisang dimonyo.
...ako lang ang masama
...ako lang ang masakit magsalita
...ako lang ang ill-tempered
...ako lang ang insensitive
...ako lang ang selfish
...ako lang ang nagmamay-ari ng lahat ng masamang adjective

Pero natutunan ko sa Batman: The Dark Knight, lahat ng masamang tao, may pinanggalingan ang pagiging masama. May malalim na dahilan.

Mabuti pa nga ako, hindi ako pumapatay, damdamin lang ang sinasaktan ng mga matatalim kong salita.

Pero kagaya ni Joker, nasaktan lang din ako. Nasaktan ako sa ginawa mo. Ginago mo ako eh. Naghirap ako. Nagpuyat. Pinilit matapos ang dapat na matapos sa pag-asang makakapasa tayo ng maaga. Pero ano ginawa mo? Ano ginawa nyo? Read: PINAASA NYO LANG AKO.

Hindi ako perfectionist, o O.C., o aspiring for uno. Pero hindi rin ako tanga kaya wag mo akong gawing tanga.

Ang sakit nung ginawa mo. Alam mo bang napaiyak mo ako? Sa tanda kong ito, umiyak ako dahil sa school project. Gago ka kasi. Gago. Bibigyan mo ako ng output na mukhang tatlong oras mo lang ginawa (o mas konti pa). O sige, sabihin na nating pinaghirapan mo iyon, pero nasaan? SABIHIN MO. IPAKITA MO YANG SINASABI MO. WALA AKONG MAKITA. WALA KAMING MAKITA sa sinasabi mong pinaghirapan mo. (reasonable naman siguro ako, hindi lang naman ako ang hindi nakakita eh)

Pakiramdam ko talaga ngayon, nag-iisa ako. Ako lang ang masama. Ako lang ang masakit mag-salita.

Hindi naman ako magsasalita ng pangit kung hindi pangit ang ginagawa mo. At lalo na kung hindi ko pinagpuyatan at pinilit matapos ang ginawa ko.

Sa mga susunod na groupings, kung ayaw nyong maranasan itong nararanasan nya, wag na kayong makipag group sa akin. Hindi na ako magugulat kung next sem, para na akong si ***e* o kaya si ***d*** na wala agad kumuhang group mate.

Eto lang naman ang mga kasalanan ko:
1. Mabilis akong magalit sa tamad na groupmate (ang magnanakaw, galit sa kapwa magnanakaw)
2. Tamad ako. But i make sure i submit whatever output is expected of me, in a very timely manner. Tanungin nyo pa sina C****.
3. Mahilig akong maglider lideran. Pero wala pa naman akong narinig na reklamo about that. (So if you're one of those, c'mon tell me.)
4. Bossy ako. (Talaga?) Minsan lang naman yata. Kasi minsan, out of this world naman ako sa mga meetings eh. O kaya nakikipag chismisan lang.
5. Hindi ako nag-aaspire na maging best group. Tama na sa akin yung "ok lang".

To you,

Masakit akong magsalita? Yung ginawa mo, hindi masakit? Ah... Ako pa ngayon ang sensitive. Kung masakit akong magsalita, wag ka na magpakita sa akin. Hindi na rin ako makikipagkita o makikipagusap sayo. (TO ALL:) Hindi ako tumatanggap ng sorry. Lalo na sayo. Too late to apologize. Madaming beses na kitang pinagbigyan. Pinupuri pa nga kita kapag maganda trabaho mo.

From me.


Wag mo nang tangkaing basahin ito. Baka masaktan ka lang.

GOODLUCK ABAM AND JFA SA ORGPRES MAMAYA!

By the way, nabalitaan ko, may constraint na namang nangyari ah. Tsk tsk. Kayo talaga, hindi masyado nag iingat. Hay. Pag natalo tayo, sigurado, galit ako. Pwedeng sa inyo. Pwedeng sa ibang orgs. O pwede rin namang sa judges.

Maiba ako, aba hindi ko napapansin,

100 days na lang Christmas na! 77 days na lang, veinte anyos na ako!