Self Inflicted Torture

I really don't know why I am doing this.

I wonder why, when it comes to you, I am willing to torture myself. I could've moved on a looong time ago, but i chose not to. I chose to torture myself, research more about you, stalk you, and add another problem that is not you but is directly linked to you.

I really do not understand myself.

Why am i like this?

Is it the unfinished business that i still have with you? But this is just mine. You, yes you, don't/didn't have any issue regarding this. I am the sole reason for this self-inflicted pain and trauma.

I don't understand. This can't be love, maybe lust, but this is too much for a lust!

Hindi pa ako mature. Oh well, at least, deep inside, i still have this sophomore kid within me. That one who knows how it is to feel happy and excited and kilig.

I want to get over this!!!

Perhaps not over you. (You shut up Id!)

P.S.

The next lines you'll see feature the first ever poem i wrote. I never felt baduy even after reading it now.

I want to see your face

in the brightest of the days

and in the darkest of the night

I want to feel your lips and

your breath that i want to inhale

for this is a scent i can no longer breathe

i want to see your eyes

and the look you give to me

i want to feel your body

moving next to me

i want to hear your voice as you speak

i want to cherish your laughter

as we share the happy memories

i want to paste your face here on my wall

so as to feel your presence all day long

i want to be with you all the time

i want to lock you here in the arms of mine

i want to feel your heart beat, your

heat as we stare each other

i want to kiss you for the longest time possible

i want to let you feel how

love should be cherished

i want to let you experience

how a prized possesion should feel

i want to give you all

the things that will make you grim

too bad i can't do it all,

because we both know, and i should know,

that i can't be with you forever.

A. Ricafort

November 2006

AND IM STILL NOT OVER YOU!