Happy New Year post

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

So that was my new year post.

Up to this point, i still can't think of anything to say. Seems like i really lost my profound side and now i am left with nothing but shallow and irrational thoughts.

I think i need to read something. Something about philosophy (whattup!), or anything that could tickle my imagination of things around us, of life, and perhaps my future.

I just miss thinking.

Now that will be my new year's wish, to be able to think profoundly again!

For my new year's resolution, this January, i will be starting my gym sessions! Come Feb, will start saving for my laptop, Come March, katamd na mag isip. next time na lang ulit.

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

I noticed that the latest post i got here was full of negative emotions but since it's Christmas, i don't want to leave "him" alone and with all the negative feelings i had especially during this season.

Argh. I've almost forgotten how to write. I've been full of emotions lately but so full that it lost my mind.

I guess i have to end this, this way. I can't think of anything to write, i can't think of anything.

I need space, i need time, i need space and time alone. I wish i could travel alone.

Merry Christmas!

I Guess Karma's Coming On My Way

Ang dami kong dilemma: namimiss ko sya, naguiguilty ako sa lahat ng nangyari, nahihiya ako sa friends ko, at wala akong matuluyan.

Ang dami ko ring kasalanan. Sumasakit puso at ulo kapag nababasa ko ulit ang mga SMS nya sa akin. Parang paulit ulit akong sinasampal. Para ring paulit ulit akong minumura ng isip ko.

Naranasan nyo na bang gumising nang nalulungkot tapos natatakot sa kung ano ang pwedeng mangyari? Naranasan nyo bang malungkot at kabahan dahil 5.30, uwian na, malapit na namang gumabi?

I never thought (never ever) na mararanasan ko yun. Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ko kinakayang lampasan ang bawat araw sa buhay ko.

Para bang wala akong mahawakan. Para bang nahuhulog ako sa bangin na hindi ko alam kung kelan matatapos. Parang mas masarap pa sa pakiramdam na bumagsak na lang ako sa dulo ng bangin, magkalasog lasog ang buto, at hindi na magising. At least tapos na.

Akala ko dati, pag natapos na kami, mas magaan na sa buhay ko. Unhealthy na rin naman kami eh. Pero nagulat ako sa ending. Hindi ako prepared. Akala ko kasi hindi pa matatapos.

ANG BIGAAAT.

Can anyone help me? I need a place to live. I cant pay for big amounts of downpayment as of the moment kaya hindi ako makalipat agad. I am saving for my bday celebration (which happened to be my sister's debut as well), and christmas and new year's eve. I can share sa expenses. I just cant pay nga nang malaking downpayment. I am now squatting to and from each other officemates' houses.

By the way, Happy Birthday to me.

Overly Bothered By some Horror Movie

Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil for the past few days, as in since Oct 31 (Halloween) hanggang ngayon eh napakaduwag ko. Takot na takot ako sa mga multo, spirits, and all that jazz. Bad trip talaga. Simula nung halloween hanggang ngayon puro na lang ghost stories ang naririnig ko, bwisit pa ang paranormal activity na movie, lalo pa akong tinakot. Waaaah! God, Jesus, Mama Mary, ayoko na matakot. Hindi naman ako ganito dati eh. Lagi na lang ako takot ngayon. Dati minsan lang. Haay nakakabother na talaga. Ayoko na maging duwag sa multo.

Nga pala, malapit na mag pasko. At birthday ko. Remember last year, September pa lang may countdown na ako. Feel na feel ko na dati pa ang pasko. Pero ngayon, wala akong maramdaman! Nakakainis.

Last year, makarinig lang ako ng xmas song, ang gaan na ng feeling ko kasi nga malapit na mag pasko. Ngayon, walang masyadong effect.

Nakakalungkot naman. Parang masyado na akong stressed sa new life ko. Hindi na nga ako masyado maka blog ngayon, hindi ko pa mafeel ang xmas, lagi akong puyat, kulang na time ko para mag-isip, tapos hindi ko na nakikita ang marami sa aking friends.

Haay Ace, move on. Move on.

Nakakamiss naman magsulat. Hindi na ako nakakapagsulat kagaya ng dati. Masyadong naubos na oras ko sa pagfe-facebook, farmville, at cafe world. Wala na tuloy laman ang isip ko. Namimiss ko na mag contemplate at mag paka profound.

6 months na akong nasa work. Masaya naman. Kaso parang masyadong fast paced.



Okay lang yan Ace. Makaka cope ka rin. Tapos after this post, hindi ka na matatakot sa multo.

ADVANCE MERRY CHRISTMAS!

ADVANCE HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY TO ME!

A Year Has Passed

I needed stress-reliever so i decided to look into my past. I will be re-posting my post from exactly a year ago.

October 28, 2008

The Cavitenyo is Back.

I missed Menela. I missed the sense of independence that it gives me.

Ang tagal ko ring nawala dito sa Menela. Dami ko tuloy realizations during those oh-so-bakasyon days.

Once again, i experienced how to think.

Quote from MRT Radio Station, "Alam nyo ba na ang taong madalas daw na mag-isa at malungkutin ay ang mga taong madalas na dinadapuan ng Alzheimer's disease?"

Natakot ako. Hindi para sa sarili ko, kundi sa mga taong naisip kong prone sa sakit na it. Scary.

Magpapasko na! Ilang araw na lang.



I love you very much Q. Happy happy birthday! Mwaah!

Feels good. I feel like I've matured.

Here We Go Again

We do the same things over and over again. We fight, we hurt each other, then we rekindle again. Just like a cycle, it always goes on and on and on.

Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kelan ako tatagal. Ikaw, hanggang kelan?

Paulit ulit na lang tayo. Sabi mo nga nakakasawa na. Ako din nagsasawa na. Actually matagal na. Pinipilit mo akong magsawa sayo.

Gumawa ka ng paraan para maging maayos tayo kung kelan lang, pero bumabalik na naman. The wheel is turning and here we are again - in this precise moment na ayaw natin pareho.

Bakit pakiramdam ko masaya ka kapag nag aaway tayo? Bakit ang dali dali para sayo na tiisin ako? At isisi sa akin ang lahat pagkatapos.

Pareho tayong gago. Nagsisisihan. Ikaw, ako may kasalanan. Ako, ikaw may kasalanan. Hindi natin maayos. Magbabati tayo pero after a while, away ulit.

Nagsasawa na ako. Sawa ka na rin naman di ba? Bakit hindi natin ayusin to?

Pinapahirapan lang natin ang isa't isa. Sinasaktan lang natin mga sarili natin. Hindi na naman yata tayo masaya eh. Tama na nga siguro.

Ano bang dapat gawin? Ayusin o Tapusin?

Naduduwag naman ako. Pero ayokong malaman mo ito. Ayoko mahiwalay sayo dahil natatakot ako. Pero kaya ko naman siguro. Oo, kaya ko, ako pa.

Basta sa ngayon, ang naiisip ko, pagod na ako. Unnecessary lahat ng stress na nakukuha ko galing sayo. Don't worry, hindi kita masyado sisisihin this time. Ako siguro may kasalanan. Nasanay ka ng ganyan. Tinanggap ko naman nung una, pero ngayon parang ayoko na.

Kelan mo ba ako iiwan?

Pakawalan mo na ako.

So i can bring back myself again.

Ace Ricafort Will Be Daring This Time

Nah. Not me.

As you may have seen in my status in FB, there's this certain indie bold actor who named himself what? Ace Ricafort.

Bad trip. Sobrang badtrip.

I remember all this time, i was thinking that no one on earth will have the same name as me. I've been researching my name on Google all my life looking for some Ace Ricafort or Allan Cris Ricafort hoping to find praises, admirations, and positive recognition from whoever on the internet. No one gave any remark. I only see tags from friendster, multiply, and facebook. and some posts from this blog. Today, however, guess what i found out? Ace Ricafort is now an upcoming bold star.

Actually, i didnt know about this person until after something weird happened in my facebook account. For the last 3 days, i've been receiving invites from persons i dont know, mostly guys who are older, some obviously gay. Intrigued, i decided to send messages to these persons asking them if we already met or if i really know them. To my surprise, most of their replies were "No, i just saw you on Facebook", or "No, but you look really nice". The most disturbing reply however was, "Are you the one in Ang Laro sa Buhay ni Juan?"

And that is where all the hyteria started.

I don't know why i am acting like this. I feel that i am over-reacting but i can't help it. Someone under my name is a bold star - a person who is seemed as sex toy by, err, gay older guys!

I feel exploited in an overly exaggerated manner. i hope it stops as soon as possible. I dont want to change my name in facebook because i find my full name really long and so formal (which is very unlikely of me) but how can i stop them?!

Oh my effing god. I've always wanted to known by a lot of people. I wanted to be popular, world famous. But not in this way. Especially if it is not me, just my name.

Oh, i hope you dont become famous like Coco Martin (who started in a bold indie film), or maybe as you become famous, might as well change your name to a better one. After all, Ace Ricafort sounds too gruesome. C'mon, change it.



My problem now is this, how can i use my name if ever i join PBB, or Survivor, or Pinoy Dream Academy? Will i be forced to use a different screen name? Nah, i wont adjust for him, after all, the world, at least UP, and Indang, knew Ace Ricafort, as the hottest banker in town first.


P.S.

RCBC will be conducting background investigation soon. It is kinda humiliating if they find out some bold actor has the same name as me.

By the way, check him out. He looks... like a bold star.
http://eklavumer.wordpress.com/2009/09/28/ace-ricafort-new-kid-in-town/