I wanted to write something but my mind is so lost that even I can not express what I am feeling. I can not put into words the emotions that are overpowering me.
Ilang araw at gabi na rin akong mabigat ang loob. Ang bigat. Ayoko na nga isipin kung ano man gumugulo sa isip ko kasi hindi ko naman maayos, disorganized talaga eh. Gusto ko umisip ng solusyon pero i feel so numb and stupid and drained to even think about it.
Napansin ko, puro emo yung mga nalalagay ko dito. Ayoko na nga sana maging emo eh. Pero pag masaya kasi ako, i rarely find time to even share them to you. Para kasing ang bilis nangyayari. UNFAIR! Kapag masayang emotions sandali lang sa isip ko, pero kapag malungkot, kagaya nito, sobrang tagal.
Alam ko na! Negative akong tao.
Or perhaps, naging negative akong tao.
I lost the optimism that i once had. I lost the hopefulness, cheerfulness, and the strong person that i was once with.
Masyado akong nag-iisip. Kung ano ano lang. Simpleng bagay pinapalala ko.
I wanted to get out of this. But how?
I don't have a problem. Actually, i do. But it's a problem that only i can understand and therefore only I can solve.
On other thoughts, I must admit, I am enjoying my stint in RCBC now. I am beginning to treasure my new found friends. Lagi kami umiinom. Lagi kaming tumatawa. Everyday kami magkasama. Yun nga lang, hindi pa rin ako nakakamove on. Hinahanap ko pa rin kasi yung mga high school at college friends ko. Every time may event or lalabas sila na wala ako, sobrang nalulungkot ko. I feel so different, so out of place, so out of our previous world.
I miss my happy self.
But i dont even know what or who brought me into this state of mind. I don't wanna blame anyone. Siguro nga isa sila sa mga dahilan kung bakit negative ako ngayon pero still, dapat ako ang may last say. Dapat hindi ako bumigay o sumuko o nagbago dahil sa kanila.
They are all part of the challenge which I feel i am currently losing.
Sana makabawi pa ako.
Ang haba ng post. Again, please don't worry about me im fine.
No comments:
Post a Comment