On Sins and Heartaches

You always have the same effect on me.

I dont know which person am I referring to, but it's all coming back to me now. The sadness, helplessness, and longingness for that person to stay.

You always manage to make me smile, the same way you make me forget about all the good things in my life. You make me feel complete, but when you're gone, you make me feel miserable.

I survived this feeling about 3 years ago. Back then i never thought it would end up like this again. You are a different person now. Literally a different person now - with that same effect on me.

I dont know what to think of or what is the right thing to feel. I want to stop, but my brat sense won't listen.

I am becoming overly unfair. Unfair to myself, unfair to my partner, unfair to you.

Just last day, i committed 3 of the deadliest sin i could ever think of: 1. cheat, 2. think of someone else when you're already with someone, and 3. destroy one's self.

Please stop.

Or should i ask God to lead me to the way? Of course i should not hurry. But can someone teach me how to focus my mind on something else?

God, i am truly sorry. After all the things You've done and given to me and my family, here i am, committing the greatest sin of my life over and over again. I am afraid of karma, and i fear You. Can You help me surpass this? It's dreading to be in this situation.

Finally, hey, I will miss you. Yeah sure, you told me you're sad because you're leaving soon. But please dont give me false hope. Or at least help me move on and forget you. After all, i barely know you.

I WILL MISS YOU.